Fit to be Fried

I am currently in the process of redesigning this site to reflect my new web-design/pc-repair business. In the very near future (I’m shooting for a week, tops), I’ll be upgrading my wordpress install, cleaning out a lot of old posts, and installing a brand-new, custom-built and completely badass theme for this site (good thing too, as my current install seems to be completely whacked. In the future I’ll be updating this site a helluva lot more often, be sure to check back soon!

In my post two days past, "Dead will rise…" , I predicted that “Undertaker” Mark Callaway would be returning to the WWE in time for SummerSlam, next month’s pay-per-view event. Tonight at the end of Smackdown, Edge met up with GM Vicki Guerrrero in the ring to apologize for cheating on her, spearing her at the Great American Bash, and teling the whole world about her granny-panties. Or, to make a long story short (too late!), for being a complete douchebag. Guerrero decided to stand by her man, but made it clear that she was still angry with the “Rated R Superstar”, and that, to retaliate against him for his various crimes, she would be re-instating none other than the Dead Man, and that he would be her hubby’s opponent at SummerSlam.

I fucking told you so.

There’s been much speculation in wrestling fandom as to whether or not we’d ever see Mark Callaway, aka the Undertaker, step into the ring to wrestle again, and why he left to begin with. His dubious loss to Edge a couple of months ago in a “Loser Leaves” match definitely left a lot of us scratching our heads, to be sure. In a previous post, ("Undertaker ends 24 year career in loss to… Edge????!!!") I railed about the match, and how it didn’t seem right that such a legendary WWE Superstar would go out like that. It stuck in my craw so badly that I decided to do a little research and craft this follow-up to my obituary on the Undertaker’s career. It seems now that obit may have been premature (I know, I know, and given the Callaway’s in-ring persona, this should surprise absolutely no one.

To be honest, I was pretty much disgusted by the current state of the WWE, not because it had been rocked by scandal and tragedy¹, but it had just become boring to me. I tend to go through phases like that with all my interests, so I knew eventually I’d be back. This being the case, I really didn’t put much effort into uncovering ‘Taker’s reasons for leaving until recently. It was while listening to the Mancow radio show on AM 950 that I first heard of the sex scandal involving ECW writer David Lagana. It was revealed in Matthew Randazzo’s book Ring of Hell, that Lagana had repeatedly approached wrestlers with an offer to help their careers if he were allowed to perform oral sex on them. This alone, although thoroughly gross, wouldn’t have been enough to pique my attention, as sex scandals in the WWE are nothing new. What caught my ear was how the situation was resolved; after having been harassed by Lagana, ECW wrestler Kevin Fertig (aka Kevin Thorn) went to the Undertaker, who in turn blew the whistle on Lagana. Of all the wrestlers involved in this story, it seems the Undertaker alone had the clout to get something done about Lagana, as Lagana was let go from the WWE, and replaced by Dusty Rhodes.

I thought for a while that this might’ve been part of the reason why Callaway left the WWE to concentrate on his real estate ventures in Colorado, but I’ve also heard that he was originally scheduled to return to the ring as a draftee to RAW in last month’s interbrand draft special, as a trade for Umaga to Smackdown. Of course, the Draft has come and gone, and Callaway was nowhere to be seen. Word is now that he will return at Summerslam. All of this, including my own guesses regarding David Lagana, are purely speculative,

semperfried76 is the last hope for humanity.
Too bad he hates you all.

and his absence seems more likely to be the result of a recent major shoulder surgery he underwent, and his subsequent recuperation leave. Odds are he will be at Summerslam, if not, he will return probably no later than September. Rest assured, though things are dark right now, it’s doubtful we’ve seen the last of the Dead Man.

Holy crap, Batman’s in jail.

Or at least he was, for about four hours.

For beating up his mom.

Allegedly.

Christian Bale, star of the recently released “The Dark Knight” turned himself in to a London police station after his mother and sister made allegations that he assaulted them. He was not charged, and continues to deny that an assault took place.

Unlike in his role as the Batman, in which he completely kicked the asses of not only every evil-doer in the film, he also completely reigned over every other film out right now. Bale, known for intense performances such as 2000’s American Psycho, 2006’s The Prestige, and of course, Batman Begins, has cemented his ownership of the role that almost saved Michael Keaton’s career, portraying what many are claiming to be the greatest Dark Knight to date. Bale’s Bruce Wayne is the billionaire playboy straight out of Frank Miller’s “Batman: Year One”, a role within a role; as Wayne he must appear to be shallow and conceited, enjoying the life of privilege he was born into, and bored with any sort of responsibility.

As the Batman, he reveals a tortured soul, yearning to set right the wrongs in the world, even if he must become one of those wrongs to do it ¹. This theme, often overlooked in the past in film, television, and the comics, is explored in depth in The Dark Knight, yet another facet that makes this flick a jewel of a film. Aaron Eckhart’s Harvey “Two-Face” Dent is also a welcome sight to anyone whose introduction to the character might’ve been from Tommy Lee Jones’ portrayal in Joel “If you’re a homo and you know it, make a Batman movie” Schumacher’s God-awful 1995 travesty, Batman Forever, in which Jones and Jim Carrey’s Riddler both seemed to be channeling Cesar Romero’s Joker from the old 60’s TV show ² I still think Schumacher should’ve stuck with Tim Burton’s choice for Dent, Billy Dee “Stop calling me Lando, you pimply crackers!” Williams, but hey, the past is past. Eckhart does a great job as Gotham’s golden boy Dent, a dedicated, take-no-prisoners District Attorney who, along with his fiancee Rachel³ gets caught in the crossfire of the Batman/Joker war. Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, and Michael Caine also return in this outing as bat-allies Lucius Fox, Lt. James Gordon, and Alfred Pennyworth, respectively, and all three should be given due credit for being the backbone of this series.

Of course, one can’t review The Dark Knight without paying homage to perhaps the greatest Joker ever to slap on the grease-paint and grin, namely the late Heath Ledger. Although I’d been looking forward to seeing this film anyways, I thought, before seeing this film, that all the posthumous platitudes he’d been receiving were mere meaningless hyperbole given to an actor who died young just before the release of his final film. In short (too late, I know) I thought everyone was just being nice. Boy, am I both glad and at the same time saddened to admit I was wrong.

I’ve long been a fan of Ledger’s work in such films as A Knight’s Tale, The Order, and, inexplicably, the Brothers Grimm⁴ I didn’t like all his films, but he had talent, and boy, did he ever prove it with his scary-ass psycho portrayal of the Joker in this movie. I never thought I’d be able to say it, but even the venerable performance Jack Nicholson put in for Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman can’t hold a candle to even a minute of Ledger’s scarred, vicious Clown Prince of Crime. A complete, stone cold sociopath caring for nothing except violence, destruction and mayhem, there have been few moments even in the comics that exemplify the sheer craziness of the character quite as well as here. Ledger seemed to be drawing directly from the mind of (comic scribe)Grant Morrison, who’s written (bar-none) the scariest Joker in comics for at least the past decade, and for that alone, he ought to be commended. Could this be the first comic-book inspired film to win a Best Actor Oscar? It should be. Everything everyone has said about Heath Ledger’s take on the Joker is true- he ceases to be the boyish heart-throb he’s been known as in nearly all his previous body of work, and instead becomes the face of nightmarish insanity. Just think of what the world’s missing out on, now that this talented young actor is no longer with us-

semperfried76 is the last hope for humanity.
Too bad he hates you all.

he could have been the next DeNiro, and this would’ve been his Taxi Driver. No, Ledger wouldn’t have brought world peace, or ended hunger, disease, or inhumanity towards our fellow men, but art and culture are both lessened for his passing. At least he guy went out like Elvis, without making any of the mistakes the King did when he kicked the bucket⁵.

OK, that’s enough gushing about The Dark Knight. Go watch it already, what are you waiting for, a switchblade to the corners of your mouth?

There’s been quite a few great moments in comics recently, along with some not so great. Yes, I’ll admit, I’m an avid comic reader. I honed my vocabulary on old Lee/Kirby issues of Thor, Fantastic Four and Lee and Buscema’s Silver Surfer. I expanded my horizons with Miller’s Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One as well as both Ditko and Cowan’s versions of The Question, gaining a taste for dark, noirish tales that led me to explore underground and small-press comics. I learned to respect Manga not for the frenetic artwork (although it can be killer), but for the positive message most of them carry. (more…)

There’s only so much darkness one man can take, before the stress overtakes him and he either has a heart attack, or begins to go a little mad…

Balancing on such a precipice has become something of a bad habit of mine, I tend to dwell on the negative in the world far too much, and it leaves me drained, I’ll admit. Many’s been the night I’ve watched the hours speed away into the early morning while I spew burning vitriol all over the internet, so often that I tend to forget the things I actually enjoy in this world.(HOLY CRAP!!! Be right back, my wife is hollering, and I think my house is on fire…)
(Okay, I’m back) I was feeling my equilibrium slipping last week, hence the shortage of posts. I was feeling more than my age and down in a funk that just seemed to get deeper as the weekend approached. I wasn’t about to sit around moping all weekend, so I indulged my mental sweet tooth, and went to the movies.

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Holy hell, is this one for the books.

As anyone who read my previous post "How the WWE turned me off to all three candidates" knows, I haven’t been able to enjoy one of my favorite pastimes lately, namely, Monday Night Raw.

Tonight it just got a lot worse.

Never mind that in the past two years we not only lost Eddie Guerrero, one of the true greats of the sports entertainment world, to terminal heart failure, but also suffered the disgrace of Chris Benoit’s murder-suicide of his wife and kid (The Canadian Crippler had been one of my favorites, and just thinking about how he ended things really turns my stomach). I was OK with Ric Flair’s retirement- to tell the truth, he was well past his prime, and hadn’t had a decent, believable match in almost a decade. But the Undertaker?

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Today we mourn the loss of one of the pioneers of rock ‘n’ roll, without whom, neither Buddy Holly and George Thorogood would have ever had a career. Diddley’s patented "Bo Diddley Beat" is one of the unmistakably unique and original sounds that helped forge the sound that drove rock ‘n’ roll in the early years. He enjoyed commercial and critical acclaim with such hits as "Hey, Bo Diddley" and "Who do you Love", which were each covered in tribute by Holly and Thorogood, respectively, to great success for both. Diddley’s style, personality and music will be sorely missed. Enjoy rockin’ out in Heaven, Bo.

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HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I haven’t been able to stop giggling since I heard this.

Obama quits church, citing controversies - CNN.com

Sen. Barack Obama said Saturday that he has resigned from the church where controversial sermons by his former pastor and other ministers created political headaches for his campaign.

“We don’t want to have to answer for everything that’s stated in the church,” the Democratic front-runner said. “We also don’t want the church subjected to the scrutiny that a presidential campaign legitimately undergoes.”

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Ok, I hated Even Stevens, a show my kids insisted on watching 3 times a day on the Disney Channel. Holes was alright, for a kids movie. I absolutely despised Constantine, for ruining one of my favorite comic characters of all time. Transformers was decent, even if they did give Optimus Prime a mouth. I never saw Disturbia, but I hear good things… It seems that this Shia LeBouf kid is everywhere in Hollyweird these days, for good or ill, so I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that he’s in the new Harrison Ford flick, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Yeah, it took me a week to finally get around to seeing it, but what the hell, nobody’s paying me to sit around and watch movies as soon as they come out, just so I can tell other people about it. (more…)